He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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