Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
