Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
