i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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