somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
