Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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