I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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