I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
