We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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