I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
