He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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