Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
