mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
