I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
