tell your sister to shave her snatch
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
