haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
