I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
