So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
