What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
