Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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