If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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