maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize