Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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