I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will be naked everywhere
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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