I just pynch a tree in the face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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