I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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