I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize