If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
