Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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