when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
