Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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