I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
