so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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