And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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