No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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