Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
FUCK WHALES
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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