I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
