i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
