I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
