You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
