she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
