OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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