i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
