They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
