You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
