I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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