It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
