4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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