If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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