Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
