what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
