would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
