Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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