Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
