I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
