I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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