Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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