THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize