is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
