Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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