i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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