We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize