we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
