Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
