and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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