He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
