if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
