I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize