The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
