I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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